When Letting Go Is More Powerful Than Holding On in Work and in Life
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I was exhausted from fighting.
Fighting to save my marriage. Fighting to meet impossible standards. Fighting to prove I could handle it all. My body was screaming at me through chronic pain, weight loss, and digestive issues, but I kept pushing.
Because that's what I'd always done. Never give up. Push through. Persevere.
Until the day I realised: sometimes the most powerful thing you can do is let go.
The "never give up" trap
In my Tech Sales career, determination and perseverance were everything. These qualities were rewarded, celebrated, built into my DNA. This "never give up" attitude brought me tremendous success, closed deals, promotions, and respect.
But what works brilliantly in sales can destroy you in life.
I was applying the same relentless approach to everything: my marriage, my health, situations completely beyond my control. I was living in a continuous state of resistance, where my default response to any difficulty was to fight harder, regardless of the impact on my feelings or my body.
Being highly resilient, I discovered, is not always helpful. Sometimes it's just denial dressed up as determination.
The question that changed everything
In 2017, during Headspace's "Acceptance" meditation series, Andy Puddicombe posed a simple question: "What are you resisting in your life right now?"
He encouraged me to ask myself this question throughout the day during moments of silence and see what came up.
Actually, a lot.
I realised I was holding onto things I couldn't change. I was in a state of tension and resistance all the time, no matter what course of action I took. Even after my coaching training, where I'd learned to understand my needs and take responsibility for my choices, everything still felt like a struggle or a fight.
Eckhart Tolle's framework: Three options when you're unhappy
Eckhart Tolle, the world-renowned author of The Power of Now, tells us that in life we have three options if we aren't happy with a situation:
Try to change what is in our control
Accept it and let it go
Separate ourselves from it
Simple, right? Except when your internal beliefs are working against you.
I had two beliefs that had served me brilliantly in sales but were now destroying me:
Belief 1: "Never give up"
Belief 2: "Relationships are difficult"
Together, in the context I was in, these beliefs distorted my interpretation of reality. I was accepting unhealthy behaviors and causing serious harm to my mental and physical health, all while telling myself I was being strong and committed.
Changing what I could control helped, but didn't solve the core issue.
Accepting what I couldn't control turned out to be self-destructive because I was accepting the unacceptable.
It took drastic events for me to wake up and realize I had no other option left but to walk away to preserve myself.
What most of our stress actually is
Here's the truth: most of our stress and emotional pain comes from resisting or trying to change situations beyond our control.
We invest enormous energy into solving uncomfortable issues in our lives. And sometimes, when there's too much resistance, this does more harm than good.
Acceptance, on the other hand, can lead to stillness and inner peace.
As Eckhart Tolle says: "Sometimes letting things go is an act of far greater power than defending or hanging on."
The difference between acceptance and resistance
When you're in a state of ACCEPTANCE and LETTING GO:
It feels effortless
Your energy increases
Your body feels lighter
You can breathe more easily
When you're in a state of RESISTANCE and HOLDING ON:
It takes constant effort
Your energy depletes
You feel tension and contraction
Your body holds stress
The key is learning to recognise the difference in your body so you can make better decisions about when to adjust course.
Try it yourself: What are you resisting right now?
I invite you to look inward and ask yourself this question three times a day for one or two days this week.
Here's how:
Take three deep breaths
Close your eyes
Look inward before asking: "What am I resisting in my life right now?"
You can do this anywhere, on the tube, waiting in a queue, during your lunch break, before a meeting.
As you ask the question, pay attention to the sensations in your body. Notice:
Where do you feel tension?
Where do you feel contraction?
Where do you feel ease?
If you feel tension or contraction, you're likely holding onto something that needs examining.
The wisdom in knowing when to let go
I'm not saying you should give up on everything that's difficult. Some things are worth fighting for. Some challenges help us grow.
But when you're pouring energy into something and getting nothing back except exhaustion, pain, and diminishing returns—that's when you need to ask yourself: Is this resistance serving me, or is it destroying me?
The courage to let go is often greater than the courage to hold on.
Your reflection
What are you resisting in your life right now?
Which of your beliefs about "never giving up" might actually be keeping you stuck?
What would happen if you let go of just one thing this week?
Sometimes the most powerful act is not pushing harder, but releasing your grip.
Sometimes walking away is the bravest thing you can do.
Ready to explore what you're holding onto?
For leaders and professionals who want to learn how to navigate stress, make better decisions, and lead from a place of clarity rather than exhaustion, this is a space for you.
If this article resonated with you and you're ready to develop the self-awareness to recognise when you're in resistance versus acceptance, Connect with me: Follow me on LinkedIn, and visit The Self-Science Lab for more info.
Written by: Lauren Cartigny, Leadership Trainer, Executive Coach and Mindfulness Practitioner
Following a successful international corporate career in Sales for leading Tech firms, Lauren faced an unexpected burnout, life and health crisis. After re-building her life, transforming her career, and healing her body, heart and mind, Lauren has created transformative coaching and training programs to teach High-Performance from a place of Well-Being to prevent burnout, and employee churn in organisations.